What Does it Really Mean to Be a Daughter of a King?

 

     This is a topic I have struggled with for a long time, so I am very excited to begin sharing what I have learned.  As I'm sure many other women do, I struggle with the way I see myself.  I hate looking in the mirror, because I never know if I am going to smile and say "today is going to be okay" or if I am going to look in the mirror and absolutely hate myself.  There are days when I hate not wearing make up because I can see every little "imperfection" on every part of my face, and there are days that I hate wearing makeup, because I still see those "imperfections" and no matter what I do, I can't cover them up.
     I have asked my husband all to often, "why am I beautiful?" "why do you love me?" "why did you pick me?" "what makes me better than that girl?"  I have come to realize that this type of thought process is not healthy.  I have not seen myself in a positive light in so long, I almost forgot that it was even possible, and my marriage has suffered for it.  For a long time I blamed all these feelings on my sweet husband because he "didn't tell me enough," he "never had the right words," and he "didn't love me enough to see me in a certain way,"... the way I wished I could see myself.  Eventually though, I had to make the realization that my husband is not the cause for the negative thoughts I have had about myself for so long.  He is patient, and kind, and holds me as a I cry and suffer through feelings of hurt and worthlessness.  He is calm as I get frustrated, and angry, over things that are not at all his fault.  After a while I have begun to see that something needed to change, I needed to change, and not because I wasn't good enough.  I needed to change because I am good enough.
     Just this last month I had this amazing opportunity to go to Girl's Camp as a leader to the youth in my ward (church).  It was an amazing experience, one I know I will never forget.  I am so glad I was able to go and help and interact with these girls.  The whole theme of this year's camp was "Daughter's of  King."  When we first decided on this topic I was not excited at all.  One, the last time I went to Girl's Camp I was one of the girls, and this was our topic, two, I did not want one more person telling me about how I am a daughter of God.  Yes, yes, I get it, I am His daughter, but so is every other girl out there!  How does that make me special?  Why is that important?   Turns out, Daughter's of a King was definitely an inspired topic, whether for the all the girls or even just for me.
     At one point during camp we had a designated D.E.A.R. time,  D.E.A.R. standing for Drop Everything and Read.  At this time I was assigned to the second year girls.  We were assigned a certain topic going along with our camp theme and certain scriptures, and the goal was to help the girls to not only understand the topic, but to also learn how to sit and ponder and apply the lesson to themselves.  I read the first scripture and my heart dropped, and continued to do so with every verse we read.  I kept thinking to myself, how on earth am I suppose to teach these girls what it means to be a daughter of king when I don't even know?  I gained a testimony for myself a long time ago that I am a daughter of God, so I at least had that going for me, but why is that important?
     I kept asking the girls questions like, "what do you think that means?" and "why is that important to you?" hoping beyond hope that they would each have something to say, because I didn't.  I was able to comment on how they are each daughters of God, and I hoped they would all understand why that is important, but I couldn't tell them.  I didn't know why.
     Finally, at the end of our little sit down, it hit me.  We had finished all the scriptures, talked about them, written in our journals, and I wanted so badly for these girls to understand, even if I couldn't.  I prayed in that moment for help, help to tell these girls exactly what they needed to hear, and in answer to that prayer, I heard exactly what I needed to hear, and I shared.
     I learned something so very important that day that I felt it needed to be shared with others as well.  I learned that my Heavenly Father does not love me because I am good at Tae Kwon Do.  He does not love me because I can sing, and I like to draw.  He doesn't love me because my hair is shinier than the girl across the street, or because my eyes are a certain color.  He loves because I am His daughter, and that is why it is important!  I compared this thought to earthly parents, and how they love me AND my siblings.  A mother's love does not become less special because she has another baby, just like my Heavenly Father's love does not become less special because I am not the only daughter of God there is.  We are all special, and we are all His daughters, and that does mean something important.  "Remember, the worth of souls is great in the sight of God," Doctrine and Covenants 18:10.  My soul is worth something, and so is yours.  The Savior did not suffer unimaginable amounts of pain, and then death, for someone who doesn't matter.  He did that because I do matter, and so do you!  We are all important.
     I know going forward that my struggles may not be all behind me, but I am grateful for this new found testimony.  I am so grateful for the knowledge I have gained, because I know why it is important to be a daughter of God.  I am His.  I know that He loves me, and I know that He is there to support me in my struggles.  I am hoping that by sharing my experience, at least one person will learn what I have learned, because since then I have been happier, my husband has been happier, and my marriage has been greatly improved.  So know this, you are important, you are beautiful, and you are worth more than you can imagine.  "For her price is far above rubies," Proverbs 31:10.
   
     Thank you for reading, and please feel free to comment below!


For more on Religion, visit http://blog.allthingstristen.com/search/label/Religion