I Knelt in Prayer Every Day For Seven Days and This is What Happened

     

     I am a firm believer in the power prayer.  I pray often, doing my best to remember to thank my Heavenly Father for the many things He has blessed me with.  One thing I am not currently very good at, however, is kneeling.  I hate kneeling, for two reasons.  One, there are times that unless I am practically laying on the bed already, my knees still touching the ground, I feel physically ill.  My stomach turns to knots, I get dizzy, and at that point I have a hard time praying at all because all I can think about is how fast I can get it over with so I can sit, or lay down, or even just stand up.  Two, when my husband and I first moved into our current apartment, there were spiders everywhere.  Big ones, little ones, black ones, red ones, brown ones, all sorts of creepy crawlies, all over the place.  So now, every time I crawl into bed and remember that I really should kneel and formally say my prayers, I spend almost a full minute staring at the carpet searching for spiders before I finally decide to curl up under the covers and say my prayers from there. 
     I have felt that kneeling in prayer is something that I should be doing more regularly for a long time now, yet I always come back to these excuses.  Over and over I hear the the words, "kneel in prayer," "kneel in prayer," "kneel in prayer," so it has to be important for some reason or another, right?  Well, I am going to find out for myself whether or not I believe kneeling to be important or not.  
     I've taken some time to find a few quotes for me to ponder as I go through with this experiment.
     This one follows along the lines of humility: 

     "It is not, never has been, and never will be the design and purpose of the Lord—however much we seek him in prayer—to answer all our problems and concerns without struggle and effort on our part. This mortality is a probationary estate. In it we have our agency. We are being tested to see how we will respond in various situations; how we will decide issues; what course we will pursue while we are here walking, not by sight, but by faith. Hence, we are to solve our own problems and then to counsel with the Lord in prayer and receive a spiritual confirmation that our decisions are correct." -Bruce R. McConkie of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (Why the Lord Ordained Prayer).  

     Another quote I found has to do with the formality of prayer.  We pray to worship, and to communicate, and to come closer to our Father in Heaven as His children, and in doing so we strive to show reverence, and respect.  

     "Our Father is glorified and exalted; he is an omnipotent being. We are as the dust of the earth in comparison, and yet we are his children with access, through prayer, to his presence. Any act of obedience which gets us in the proper frame of mind when we pray is all to the good...We seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in our prayers. We ponder the solemnities of eternity in our hearts. We approach Deity in the spirit of awe, reverence, and worship. We speak in hushed and solemn tones. We listen for his answer. We are at our best in prayer. We are in the divine presence...Almost by instinct, therefore, we do such things as bow our heads and close our eyes; fold our arms, or kneel..." - Bruce R. McConkie.

     This last quote is a couple verses in Alma 32, in the Book of Mormon, where Alma compares the word unto a seed, and he talks of an experiment, which is exactly what I am going to do. It says:

     "27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.
     28 Now, we will compare the word unto a seed.  Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves--It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, ye, it beginneth to be delicious to me." 

     My question now is, will my prayers become "more delicious to me" as I learn to kneel in prayer?  Will I begin to enjoy kneeling, or learn of its importance?  And is this really a good seed?   Hopefully the answers to these questions will be found in the following "experiment upon [his] words."

Day 1: I know it is technically morning and night that we are suppose to kneel in prayer, but since I am already not in the habit of formally doing either, I decided to start with mornings. That doesn't mean I won't ever kneel in prayer at night, but it does mean that I am telling myself, that at least for this week, I have to kneel in prayer every morning.  I think that is a good start.
     If I am to start this blog honest, and end this blog honest, I am going to have to admit, my prayer this morning was nothing special.  I can't say it was very earnest, or heartfelt, or meaningful in any way, but I did it, even if out of pure obedience. I was obedient.  I knelt in prayer.  I met my goal. Even if for only one day, I have so far, met my goal.  And for that, I feel at least a little accomplished.  So, what did I get out of day one? Accomplishment. 

     I made a new realization the other day as I pondered beginning this experiment. I was taking the time then, to write a few thoughts in my journal at the end of the day, kneeling at the end of my bed as I was doing so, and I had the thought... if I can sit here, kneeling as I oh so hate to do, doing something that I love, then why can't I kneel when I pray?  My head doesn't hurt, my stomach isn't queezy, I'm not dying to stand, or lye in bed, so why is it then, that every time I go to kneel in prayer, I feel so literally, physically, unwell? My first thought then, was the adversary.  I don't feel ill every time I pray, but only when I kneel to pray. Coincidence?  You tell me.

Day 2: Today again went well.  I noticed than when I kneel in prayer in the morning, I am a lot more motivated to do so at night, so last night I did it then too. My prayer was still short this morning, but just a tad bit sweeter. I put a bit more thought into it, before deciding I'd better get up and hurry to get ready for work. I can't say that anything special came out of my prayer this morning, but I did it, and right now, that's what's important. 

Day 3: Today was better.  I woke up and immediately had the thought to get on my knees.  My prayers were a little more fervent, as I thank my Heavenly for a blessing I had recently asked for, and received.  I got as far as saying thank you, before falling back asleep against the edge of the bed, but I felt good that I had actually said something with meaning.
     I am noticing, that as I make the effort to kneel at night, it is becoming easier to do so in the morning.  I can't say that I have fully developed the habit yet, as it has only been three days, but it's getting easier.  Now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't lean so heavily against the bed, because that is when I fall asleep...  New goal for tomorrow morning: don't lean against the bed, stay awake, and and hope I don't start feeling sick. 
     So what did I get out of day three?  Answered prayers. My first prayer was pretty simple.  I asked that my husband come home safe, as he was out late last night giving two of his brothers a blessing.  My second prayer, was a little different.  I have been wanting to lose a bit of weight for some time now, and it has been a real struggle. There's a pound here, and a pound there, but they always come back.  It's hard.  I struggle with the motivation to actually get up on time in the morning, and often times, that's a reason I don't take the time to formally pray.  I want to go exercise, and still have to time to look cute before heading to work. This week, though, as I have started to pray more regularly, and show some humility by taking to my knees, I have felt the energy and the motivation to just get up and go do it.  The result?  Another pound down!
     As insignificant as one pound may seem, it was pretty significant to me, because while that pound came with my own hard work in heading to the gym in the morning, and taking a long walk every lunch break, it is my prayers, and my Heavenly Father who helped give the energy, the motivation, and the will power to finally achieve some of my health goals that I have been working toward for months now. I know I can't do this on my own, and I am grateful that I have a loving Heavenly Father who also wants me to be the best that I can be.  

Day 4: I am actually starting to like this a lot. I've attempted this challenge a few times now, and never made it the full week, but this time, I am going to do it!  (I know, how hard can it really be?) I might need to find a way to wake up a little bit before my prayer, but I'm starting to really feel good doing it.  I actually look forward to saying my morning and evening prayers.  
     What did I get out of day four? Enjoyment. My prayers have become just a bit "more delicious to me."

Day 5: What I got out of today: Desire and The Holy Ghost and Happiness.
     I noticed this morning that I actually wanted to get on my knees to pray. I wanted show respect; I wanted to show humility.  That desire made it so much easier to accomplish this one seemingly so simple goal.
     The second thing I noticed was the companionship of the Holy Ghost.  That is one of the most important gifts we receive upon baptism, and we learn then that we can only have the Spirit to be with us if we invite the Spirit to be with us.  I learned today, that by kneeling in prayer each morning and night, I did just that.  There came a moment today, when a certain topic of conversation came up at work, and usually when this topic comes up I don't have anything to say.  I always wish I did, because I know the importance of it, and I want to defend what I know to be true, but nothing ever comes to mind.  Today, however, I knew exactly what to say.  It was short, and sweet, and to the point.  The thought entered my mind and exited my mouth so quickly, that there is no doubt in my mind it was from the Holy Ghost.
     The last thing I got out of today and this week is happiness.  As some people may already know, I struggle with depression.  I struggle with seeing myself as the Lord sees me, or even the people around me, who love me, see me.  I get sad sometimes for no reason at all, and most of the time, that sadness is a feeling I just can't push away.  I hadn't noticed, but I sat here reading what I have so far for my blog post to my sweet husband, and he leaned over to me at the end and said, "I've noticed a difference... you are a lot happier this week." Looking back, I really have been, even getting sick this week, I have not once had to pray for relief of that reoccurring sadness that is so hard to get away from.  Even if for just that blessing alone, my experiment has been well worth it. 

Day 6: My prayers are beginning to become more and more sincere.  I can't say that they are anything special yet, but I am putting more thought into what it is I am saying.  I still lean on the bed as I pray, probably because I am so tired when I first roll out of bed, but as I pray I am starting to be more awake than when I started.
     Today, I gained a lot more enjoyment  in my scripture studies.  My husband I are currently studying this book about marriage, and a lot of it is focused on the scriptures, and by living gospel standards, we help our marriage thrive.  It is really interesting, and I would highly recommend this book to any one married, or soon-to-be getting married (comment below for more information on this book).  Today as we read, I noticed I was a lot more excited about the scripture references in the book, and just how much comes straight from the Book of Mormon and the Bible, rather that the thoughts and opinions of just a few people, well-known or not. Usually, I'd rather be reading the author's words, as they are easier to read, and sometimes much more personable.  Today was different, and I liked that. 

Day 7: Day seven!! I did it!  I realize this may seem such a small and simple goal to some, and in many ways it was, but it was also a big goal for me as well.  Today I feel happy, and proud, and more ready for this Sabbath day than I have been in a long time.  Pretty cool that day seven ended on a Sunday. I am looking forward to church a lot more than I usually do, and I am excited to take the opportunity to sit and ponder my efforts to do a little more, and be a little better.
     
     I am glad I took this opportunity to experiment with what has been on my mind for a long time.  My only goal now is keep it up, to keep kneeling as I pray, because I do feel that a lot has come from it.  Not only has praying become more sweeter to me, but also my scripture studies, especially as I study this gospel with my sweet husband.  I have felt happier, and more accomplished this week than I have in a long time.   I have had many prayers answered, including some that I did not share in this blog post. I have been more able to feel and recognize the Spirit as I have taken the time and the effort to invite the Holy Ghost to be my constant companion.  
     Though simple, I am incredibly grateful for the lessons I have learned this week, and look forward to future goals, as I strive to come closer to my Father in heaven.  For those who are reading this post, I invite you to do the same as I did, whether it be with prayer or something else.  Take the time to experiment on His word, and to learn of Him.  I promise that if you do so, with a sincere heart, you will not be disappointed.  

     Feel free to share your comments and experiences below as you do so, or send an email to tristen@allthingstristen.com.  I would love to hear your experiences and the things that you learn.  

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